today while talking to one of my rp buddies i had a strange, uplifting epiphany
why am i so anxious? Sure, I’ve had a really, really shitty life in my short years. I’ve been raped, abused, neglected, rejected, abandoned, forgotten, I’ve had people I care about taken from me, i’ve been threatened, etc etc.
But you know what? I’m honestly sick and tired of feeling upset over these things. Yes they happened, yes they suck, and yes they keep happening but a year and a half will pass by in no time. Maybe we’ll be strangers by them, but we have our WHOLE LIFE in front of us to remember what attracted us to each other to begin with. Maybe he’ll have a new boyfriend, or a new best friend, maybe he won’t want to be friends again but you know what, there’s no reason for me to feel sad about it.
and one day my attacker and all the people of my past who hurt me will get what’s coming to them. I don’t believe in karma so much anymore. I can’t look at all the good I’ve done in my life and all the bad shit that’s happened to me and think “oh karma exists” but i do know people can only be so shitty before someone kicks their ass
so I’ve decided to put my big boy panties on, get over the past and look to the future. Fuck paranoia. Fuck anxiety. Maybe my life won’t get better, maybe it will, but I’m not going to let my sadness get the best of me.